Chapter 11

Thursday, I went to Indira’s office at the university, and she took me with her to the seminar room. Present were Jennifer, Margaret, and Elizabeth from the discussion at Ben’s, and two male students, Todd and George. I was disappointed. It didn’t look like the seminar would help me until class was about to end.
    Indira asked, “Has anything we’ve discussed been useful, Paul?”
    “To be honest, no. I need to privilege balance—the view of the world as one. Nothing we’ve talked about will help me do that.”
    Margaret said, “What you want to do is impossible.”
    “I’ve come to the point where I agree, Margaret. Just when I thought balance would supply a rational explanation, something irrational happened to me.”
    Elizabeth said, “This is confusing. If the world is a dual system of equal and opposing forces, how can the world be one?”
    Jennifer said, “It’s all in how you look at it. Two is real only if you give separate identities to the opposing forces. Cancel them out and you get zero.”
    Elizabeth said, “So one and nothing are the same?”
    “Absolutely.” Jennifer smiled at her pun.
    Todd said, “That’s weird, Paul. Why would anyone want to view the totality of existence as nothing? I mean, if you choose nothing, you disappear.”
    George said, “So what? Individual identity has no meaning now that we can clone.”
    “Preacher John says one is God’s point of view, and we must give up personal identity if we want to share God’s view.”
    “Which is no view at all, so to speak. You really have to stop hanging in Washington Square, Paul,” Margaret said.
    Elizabeth said, “What matters to God—or whether anything matters to God—is speculation. For anything to matter, it has to matter to me.”
    “I agree, and that’s the crux of my problem. If I can’t tell a story that each person will privilege above all others, I fail.”
    Margaret said, “You’re going to fail, Paul.”
    “Preacher John would agree. He says only Jesus can privilege God’s point of view.”
    Margaret smiled. “In that case, we’re safe.”
    Todd said, “Paul, there are two symbols that graphically represent your idea of balance—yin-yang and the hexagram. Which best represents your idea?”
    “I don’t know.”
    Indira said, “Let’s explore that.”
    I went to the blackboard and drew the yin-yang symbol and the hexagram.
    George said, “I prefer the yin-yang symbol.”
    Jennifer said, “I don’t. It’s too static.”
    Indira said, “Explain what you mean, Jennifer.”
    Jennifer joined me at the blackboard. “My father’s a systems control engineer. He says dynamic systems function through feedback.”
    Jennifer drew a sine wave. “That’s your yin-yang symbol—perfect feedback. But nature doesn’t work that way. Feedback usually produces one of two effects in a dynamic system. Either the noise increases or it dampens.”
    Todd said, “You’ve lost me.”
    Elizabeth said, “Todd wants you to draw him a picture, Jen.”
    Jennifer drew two more waves. One began large and ended small. The other was the opposite.
    My mouth dropped open.
    “What is it, Paul?” Jennifer said.
    “Look. If you draw lines around both of these waves, you get the two triangles of the hexagram.”
    Jennifer said, “Absolutely. That’s my point, Paul. That’s why I prefer the hexagram. It’s dynamic. It reflects the way the world is.”
    George said, “Yin-yang better illustrates Paul’s idea. It not only represents the two opposing forces that cancel to nothing, but the circle represents the nothingness.”
    “Hello. This is a no brainer, Todd.” Margaret joined Jennifer and me at the blackboard and drew a circle around the six points of the hexagram.”
    George said, “Brilliant, Margaret. By making the hexagram as static as the yin-yang symbol, you’ve proved my point.”
    On that note, the bell rang and class ended. I thanked Indira for inviting me. Jennifer put her arm in mine and walked me out. “Was that helpful, Paul?”
    “Are you kidding? It means the hexagram is not just an abstract illustration of balance. The two triangles are grounded in the way the world works day to day.”
    Jennifer squeezed my arm. “I’m thrilled, Paul.”
    “To privilege balance, I must explain rationally how the experience I had in Saint Matthew’s is a universal experience.”
    “Sometimes I get results solving a problem when I don’t try so hard.”
    “I can’t rest. I have to understand this by Tuesday.”
    “What I meant was, I think you need a change of scenery, Paul. Why don’t you come to Athens with me, I mean, with the seminar?”
    “No, to understand this, I need to somehow conjure the experience I had in Saint Matthew’s, and reenter the Kingdom of God.”
    “You’re really out on a limb, Paul. I don’t think you stand a chance. Maybe if you went to Israel, and nothing happened, you could find some peace of mind.”
    “Humm, I hadn’t thought of that. What better way to enter God’s world metaphysically than to enter God’s world physically. But, Jennifer, a trip to Israel now would clean out my bank account.”
    “Don’t you owe it to yourself to give this your best shot, Paul?”
    “You’re right. Go for broke. No half measures within reach of the goal.”
    “Especially with only a few days left.”
    “I’ll do it.”
    “Good. Here’s the plan. Our seminar leaves for Athens tonight but classes don’t start until Tuesday. Margaret, Elizabeth, and I plan to fly from Athens to Israel Friday morning. We’re staying at a hospice in Jerusalem near the Jaffa Gate.” Jennifer wrote down the address.

Chapter 11 continued