Chapter 9 continued

Elaine called the next morning. She said mother survived the night, but was fading fast. She said the doctor was with mother and that she was comfortable.
    I took the Hyde Street cable car back to the crest of Russian Hill. The panoramic view of the bay I had enjoyed the night before had disappeared in the fog.
    Michael arrived shortly after me. Elaine expressed her gratitude for his coming from New York and on such short notice. The three of us sat in the living room while the doctor attended mother.
    Elaine said, “We’re at the end, Michael.”
    Within a few minutes, the doctor came down to the living room and Elaine introduced him to Michael.
The doctor said, “She needs you more than me, Father. I’ve done everything I can for her. You can see her now, Elaine.”
    Michael, Elaine, and I went into mother’s bedroom. Mother’s expression brightened when she saw Michael. She put her hand on Michael’s face when he leaned close to greet her.
    “Elaine asked me to give you the last rites of the church, Catherine. If it’s okay with you, I’ll begin now.”
    Mother gave her consent with a slight nod of her head. Michael asked mother if she wanted to confess. She shook her head, no. When he finished anointing mother, Michael offered her Holy Communion.
    “She’s afraid, Michael. We’ve had to feed her intravenously because of the pain of digesting solid food.”
    “Jesus is present, body and blood, in the entire host, Catherine.” Michael broke off a tiny piece of the host and held it to mother’s lips but she refused to open her mouth.
    Michael leaned in close to mother and whispered, “Catherine, this small piece of the host will dissolve in your mouth. You don’t have to swallow it. There will be no discomfort.”
    When mother refused again, Michael said, “That’s all right, Catherine, Jesus understands.” Mother looked at him without expression—and died.
    Michael closed her eyes. Elaine knelt beside mother’s bed, put her head in her hands, and began to sob. Michael put his hand on Elaine’s shoulder to comfort her, then he and I went down to the living room so she could grieve in private.
    “You have my deepest sympathy, Paul.”
    I nodded.
    “Were you able to make peace with her?”
    I made a slight wave of my hand to indicate my unsuccessful attempt.
    “Don’t blame yourself. It’s difficult for someone in your mother’s condition to focus on anything beyond their own suffering.”
    When Elaine joined us, she asked Michael to say mother’s funeral mass.
    “It’s Mardi Gras. All flights into New Orleans are booked. To get to my conference on time, I must fly back to New York and use my original return ticket.”
    Elaine and Michael hugged and said good-bye. She called a taxi, and I went with him to the top of Russian Hill to wait.
    “Mother despaired of entering the Kingdom of God,” I said.
    “Your mother was very ill, Paul. Her behavior was common for someone so sick. God’s greatest mercy is reserved for those he tests so severely.”
    “Michael, if Preacher John and I, and perhaps my saintly mother, cannot enter the Kingdom of God, who can?”
    “You’re distraught, Paul.”
    “Remember what you said Monday night after the discussion? You wanted me to stop my search. You said if I discovered some terrible truth I wouldn’t shut up about it. What is the terrible truth, Michael?”
    “I didn’t mean it literally.” The taxi arrived.
    I said, “We’ll continue this conversation in New Orleans.”
    Michael said, “You won’t make it to the conference anymore now without a reservation.”
    “I’ll go standby. I’ll get there.”
    I watched the taxi disappear and went back to the house. That’s when Elaine told me I would have to arrange the funeral.
    She said, “I can’t do it because I’ve got a meeting with the senior members of the center this afternoon.”
    “Can’t you reschedule?”
    “I’m going to announce the center is closing for lack of funds.”
    “Let me make the announcement, Elaine. I want to talk with them anyway.”
    “I don’t want you talking to them.”
    “Why not?”
    “Because you don’t believe a theory of quantum gravity is possible, and you’ll shoot off your mouth like you always do.”
    “No, not this time. Besides, if you don’t want mother’s funeral botched, you have to arrange it yourself.”

Elaine relented, and called one of her colleagues at the center to explain why she couldn’t be at the meeting. The senior fellows were waiting for me when I arrived, anxious to hear the news. They greeted my reading of Elaine’s announcement with stunned silence, followed by murmurs of disappointment, and then by bickering.
    Eladio Villa began, “If Elaine can’t handle fund raising, let’s turn it over to professionals.”
    Mayumi Iwasaki said, “Elaine is not only the best scientist among us, Eladio, she’s the most successful fund raiser in academia. It is not her fault. It is our fault. We didn’t make sufficient progress. We should have united behind my superstrings approach.”
    “You’re at a mathematical dead end, Mayumi. We should have shifted our focus to my general relativity approach,” said Nelson Ulundi.
    “Except that you don’t go far enough, Nelson. You and the others should have joined me and concentrated on discrete causality units,” said Eladio Villa.
    “You’re all off the track. We should have put our resources into my search for a non-physical principle,” said Werner Schwartz.
    “You’re all chasing your tails,” I said.

Chapter 9 continued